2. I have never successfully fried chicken in my life. It either comes out too cooked, or not cooked enough; or if it's cooked, then it's not crispy. I've tried all tried and true, never failed before recipes handed down by many a grandmother, but alas. Fried chicken is beyond my culinary skill.
3. I cannot sing in choruses, even if I'm singing along with a CD in the car. I cry. Everytime. Something about singing in a group, hearing all the different parts coming together to form this wonderful harmonious fullness in my ears...I choke up everytime. The other night I was listening to Garrison Keiller lead his audience in a singalong of Silent Night. Just an impromptu, acapella singalong with hundreds of voices joining in. The combination of a group of people coming together in a shared goal, a beautiful haunting melody, and the quiet stillness of my evening sealed it. I was a goner before I made it to "round yon virgin..." But I'd love to be able to be a part of a large chorus, to create such a thing of beauty as to generate tears.
4. I wish I could play the piano well enough to entertain myself for an hour at a time like my dad could. Just sit and roll through Claire de Lune, or Joplin.
5. I wish I could play a decent set of tennis again. Since my wrist surgery a few years ago, all that's left me is Wii Tennis, which while satisfying in the sense that I get to hit shots that I rarely made as frequently in real life, I miss the solidity of the sweet spot, the oomph I felt in my stomach when I nailed a particularly sizzling backhand crosscourt.
6. I wish I could find a hairstyle that didn't leave me sighing everytime I pass a mirror. I've tried perms, straight, long, short, colored, uncolored. I simply have never really been satisfied and I'm not sure why. I'm not a bad looking sort. It's not like I need a bag over my head. But just once, I'd like to get an amazing cut and just go WOW, that's IT!
7. I wish I could do a series of back handsprings, like a gymnast. I thought that just looked like it would be so cool to be able to do. In the same vein, I always wanted to do that turn thing that dancers do, when they spot themselves and as they turn, their head flips around quick as a wink, around and around they twirl, with their head always catching up as it finds it focal point.
8. I wish I could dance; better yet, I wish I could let myself go and dance. I realized a long time ago, after taking a psychology profile as part of a Vanderbilt trial I did for money, that I am a controlled person. I don't control other's environments, but I apparently am in strict control of my internal environment. At first, when I heard them tell me this, I laughed and denied it emphatically. Me? Controlled? Ha! Well, after stewing and chewing on it for weeks, I had to admit that so many things just fell into place after that. Oh, so THAT'S why I don't dance.. That's why I can't let go in so many situations. I've never, ever been one to make noise, draw attention to myself, put myself out there for review, at least not that I could help. Control my environment - that's what keeps me feeling safe, but also boring and uninteresting. I'm a big snore with feet.
9. I wish I could reach the ceiling fan in my living room. It's up at the top of a vaulted ceiling and there's no hope, even with a ladder, of my reaching it to change the direction of air flow from season to season. This annoys me. Also, it will be a bitch to clean the blades. So I am going to pretend they will never need it.
10. I wish I could pick up my current house that I love, and magically relocate it to some small plot of land that is planted within an inch of its life with large, old trees. I miss my trees. I miss the birdsong that come with trees. I put up two pitiful little feeders outside my screened porch, but it's just not the same. I miss the lazy, breezy feeling of shade in summer. I want to feel like I live inside a park.
11. I wish I could remember my childhood in greater detail. I had an amazing family and grew up safe, secure, happy, and well loved. But so many memories are gone. I probably only remember the high points, and most of those are photograph-inspired by now. I can't remember "eight" for example, or eleven. What was I like? What did I do each day? What did I think about? I sometimes think about going to a hypnotist just to see what can be stirred up.
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Quote of the day: He thought like he danced, flailing rather more than was necessary and not accomplishing much. But he was genuine and passionate. - Vance - The Monk Downstairs.Chosen because ohdeargod, this is how I feel about myself so much of the time. I think it's kind of endearing.
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